Crazy X-Stitcher Etc

January 6, 2009

The Results of Fidgeting

Filed under: Rants — xstitcherzo @ 4:21 pm

I caved in and did not wait for the appointed date. Went to Guardian pharmacy last night after work of course. I went to that section and look…..damn all this thing is so expensive and just to check and confirm. Moreover, I felt like schoolgirl with my sling bag and short skirt.

Feeling guilty. Feels as though someone is watching me and judging me even when I just stood there. Luckily, a mother, daughter walked away, and I braved myself…after all almost all would see what I bought when I reached the cashier.

The long queue felt like hours. I am trying not to fidget so much. Guilty, wrong, anxious, nervous and all the what if’s is playing thru my mind. Shouldn’t I have waited for a few more days or weeks even? Shouldn’t I…my turn. I pay the money. He did not bother to put into a bag and I quickly dropped into my bag. That is a relief. No more guilty feelings that people would know what I am going to do next.

I contemplated going home instead as one itself is so expensive…its best I checked out in the privacy and comfort zone of my house. At least I can wait, ponder and calm down.

Bought my dinner. I have been eating rice, chicken and sambal (cooked chilli paste) for the past week. As I am too lazy to whip up my own dinner. I went to Popular bookshop and bought extremely easy recipe book. In fact, there are 1000 recipes…from Entree, starters, desserts, main and bla, bla bla. I got motivated looking at the pictures while at the shop. The moment it reaches home. I became a level raiser for my laptop.

In addition, if I try to read while on the bed….it put me to sleep in a wink. So much for motivation. Cooking for oneself. Looking at the chef n TV whipping up the dishes, looks super great but not when you have to do yourself. *sigh* I just resigned myself to eating porridge.

So the first thing that I did when I reached home…was to get on my husband nerves. Then I sit down on floor to have my nasi lemak. Really hungry but feeling upset and bad for getting on hubby’s nerves. I seriously need to control my tongue.

After dinner, I read the label. Oh well, I am not going to wait. The curiosity is too overwhelming for me. I took it with my shaking hand.  Waited with my bated breath.

I went to mum’s place to pack my things. So many things to pack. I have to consider opening a museum soon.

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